Cold And Alone
by XxKissesAndSmilesxX
Summary: "That's it Scott, she's too strong to believe she's broken, she thinks with time, she'll stop caring, that the pain will disappear but we all know it won't"
1. Chapter 1

It was her birthday but this wasn't like last year, Stiles wasn't trying to impress her, Scott wasn't keeping an eye on her, Jackson wasn't around, Kira left to New York, Isaac left after Allison and Allison, Allison was no more. Even Peter and Derek had skipped town. This year she was alone, so alone it hurt, she wasn't a Lana Del Rey girl but it seemed to do the trick for now,

"Lydia someone's here for you" her mother's voice reminded her she hadn't left her room in weeks but like every other day she didn't answer; it was probably a 6th grader crusher who want to leave a gift, at least year Stiles did but now Malia was down his throat…..sadly.

"He's gone" Good. She sighed into her pillow,

"I thought you'd be happy to see me but I guess I was wrong" his voice brought her certain warmth not remembering the last time she saw him,

"I tried calling, went straight to voicemail…..Stiles said you just…..zoned out" Yes, she knew he tried, she cried every time he did and Stiles, she had heard his jeep stop outside her house every night until he had finally got tired and Malia finally stopped bickering,

"Derek's fine by the way, Erica's alive…..I guess they didn't want us to know" Us. She remembered him telling her he was going off to find Derek, last time she checked she didn't care and things didn't change a bit,

"Lydia…. I'm worried…about you" he left the window and stepped in but stopped in his track sensing her rage build up,

"What happened Lydia? You were fine before I left" that was it, he left,

"Lydia, can you hear me?" he continued in his steps and squatted next to her bed, she had laid facing the wall,

"Just say something" he plead,

"Go" that was the first thing Lydia Martin had said all night,

"What happened?" he said gently placing his cold hands on her arm,

She shivered at his touch and he removed his hand, "GO" she whimpered, tears falling from her muddy eyes,

"I can't Lydia, I can feel it, your pain, you're part of my pack" with those words, she turned to face him,

"Then erase me, erase me like you did Allison" her hand made its way to his face gently brushing his hair,

"I didn't erase Allison" he said as he's eyes took refuge on the floor,

"You did Scott, you all did, you all left, left me to grief alone" she said forcing him to look her in her eyes, her glassy eyes,

"I didn't leave you" how dumb could he be?

"I needed you, all of you, Stiles went on to date Malia, Peter's daughter the man who had tormented me and you, you skipped town to find Derek when I needed you the most" this time her hands weren't brushing his hair but tugging hard in anger,

"Lydia" he was voice was soft as he gripped her hand…hard, "I'm sorry"

"Don't be" she let go as another tear fell followed by others, she had turned her back to him now,

Tears fell on her arm and Lydia realized she had been picked up, too weak to protest she looked up to Scott and immediately regretted all she had said he had tears in his eyes and bags under them, he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, worst than her and that said a lot for wolf; all she could do was cry, she stuffed her face in his shirt and let it all out,

"Scott" it was just too much and she lashed out…..at the wrong person "I'm sorry"

"Don't be" he placed her on the toilet seat and he filled the tub pouring in the lavender wash, she was surprised he knew her favourite body wash out of the millions she had in her cabinet; he took off the shirt she was wearing, to reveal the black set she had been wearing underneath, she tensed as the cool breeze hit her, she didn't want those off and like he read her mind he placed her in the water with them on.

She smiled the warm water enclosing her to her neck, he had turned to the door and she held his hand,

"Stay" he nodded as he sat on the floor next to the tub,

"Lydia?"

"Yeah" his hand dipped into the water and held her hand entwining his fingers with hers and in that moment she felt all her pain slowly slip away from her soul and so did he as he placed the softest of kisses on her head,

"Happy Birthday"

 _ **Author's Note: Sooo this is my first teen wolf fanfic so I hope you all enjoyed it and I'm a big Scydia fan that also thinks the grief about Allison's death in the characters wasn't well played…oh and in case you get a Malia-hate vibe, I don't buh I don't think Lydia likes her that much and this was written in the midst of Lana Del Rey anyway please review, Love ya.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Her calendar read Tuesday, he didn't like Tuesdays for an unknown reason; he checked the wall clock it was after 12, her birthday was officially over. He had cleared the bed and placed her in it not before he wore her, her PowerPuff pajamas,

" _Goodnight Lydia" she hummed in response as she closed her eyes getting use to the familiar warmth even though something told her he won't be there in the morning._

"Does she know you're leaving?" he stopped in his tracks a little startled as he turned back to face the old redhead,

"I—"

"You'll think by now I'll be used to boys sneaking out in the morning but the look on their face when I see them it never gets old" she said with a chuckle and Scott scratched the back of his head with his shy smile in return,

"I—we weren't doin-" his struggle with his words made her smile just as it did Lydia and he could see the resemblance past the hair and dimples,

"Care to join me for another coffee?" she asked taking a sip from her grey cup as she made her way to kitchen, he could see her properly now in the brighter light, she looked almost as bad as Lydia, worst than the dim light of the parlour had portrayed and it silenced the part of him which almost declined,

"Sure" it was something in him, probably the part of Scott McCall who couldn't help wanting to help,

"Is she asleep?" she rhetorically asked knowing what he had planned earlier besides he won't be down if she wasn't, and he nodded in response,

"How is she?"

"Better" was all he could think of, he couldn't tell her of how fallen apart her daughter had been,

But she knew there was more; Martha Martin was no fool, "How fallen apart is she?"

He looked up to face the broken mother careful with his words, "She's just broken but she'll heal, Lydia's strong"

"That's the thing, Scott; she's too strong to believe she's broken, she thinks with time, she'll stop caring, that the pain will disappear but we all know it won't" Scott tried to look at anywhere else than at Martha who stood opposite where he sat, hands on the table pretending not to notice the tears she fought back,

"You can't leave her Scott" he eyes shot back to her, how did she know? "She needs you and I've tried, believe me I have but I'm just not the answer we both she needs"

"And I am?" she sobbed and he knew that was a yes,

"Especially with what happened"

"What happened?" he asked anxious as he could be,

"The night you brought her home, Scott, she told me what happened" with that he had felt like he had been drained, no one knew except he and Lydia, even Stiles himself had no idea,

"She told you what exactly?" he said rising a little from his seat,

"That she was raped!" and with that he fell back down,

"Did she say who?"

"Of course she would, of course I asked who when my teenage daughter was dropped home trembling and stuttered out the words 'he hurt me'" she said sarcastically, bringing her right hand to her wet eyes as she sighed, "I know I failed as mum been stressed out with work trying to cover up the void her father left but my baby girl doesn't deserve this" Scott only starred not been able to utter a single word, he knew how much it hurt Lydia, he had felt her scream like fire, those early nights he had always come to check up on her but she always seemed sooo okay with it and he left it at that, foolishly now he thought,

Martha broke his train of thoughts now speaking to herself "Especially with the baby, she doesn't need this"

Scott's world literally froze in a second as the word baby rang in his ear a thousand times, "What baby?" his words came out in a whisper but she had heard him,

"At first I thought was Aiden's or some other stupid boy's but she said no" in a flash he was at the other side grabbing her arms, he had anger pouring out him for an unknown reason, was it cause she didn't tell him or that fact that if he had stayed longer he would known?

"What baby?!" his brain was on fire, the baby, the baby was it gonna have Stiles' DNA or the Nogistune, or that of the solider? Was it going to be evil? How didn't he know? Who else had she told? But most importantly was she keeping it?

Shaken in fear she stuttered, "The Monster's" his hands dropped and his eyes flashed red in anger as he made his way out of the kitchen, to door, then he heard it, a heartbeat, a sob; he had turned to face her, she sat on the stairs, hands and head on the rail with tears that told him how long she had been there, he looked in her eyes, he couldn't read what it was but it drained his anger out; he smiled, a small smile and walked out the door.

She awoke expecting tremendous neck pain from sleeping on the stairs but she woke in her bed physically comfortable,

"I bought pizza but you were asleep by the time I came back" she starred at him, mouth agape as surprised as Lydia Martin could be. He had also gone into the woods howling in pain, she had heard him, it was what cried her to sleep but they both pretended they didn't know,

"I also bought aspirin, your cabinet was out…..my mum said preg-she said you might crave pizza" it seemed he had been busy all night but she didn't care, what he did, who he told all that mattered was he was there, looking at her, looking after her, he wasn't smiling she didn't expect him to either, but like for the others, she didn't care.

She sat up in bed and looked at him, sitting at the corner, back slumped on the chair with eyes now closed; she wore her fluffy slippers he had placed next to the bed but she didn't stand, she just sat and starred at him. He listened in the comfortable silence and almost didn't pick it up, the faint beat, the faint second beat of the probably only innocent third being in the room that had currently taken shelter in Lydia and he smiled and she smiled too genuinely, knowing he had heard it,

"I do crave pizza" and his smile turned into a grin.

 _ **Author's Note: so yeah, it was gonna be a one-shot at first buh I wanted to write this and didn't feel right posting it as its own story or drabbling it so here is a second chapter. Oh and the thought of Lydia been raped by the Nogistune wasn't mine, took it for a fanfic I read on ArchiveOfOurOwn 'Coal Mining Love" itz Scydia too and like all about Scydia itz amazingly amazing. Check it out if you can buh don't forget to leave moi a review here…much love guys.**_


	3. Chapter 3

" _Allison?" she could feel her cold hands, no one's hands were ever as cold as Allison's and sometimes she relished it like this night and other times she despised it,_

" _Allison?" she called out louder, her image dimming, hands getting warmer,_

" _Lydia?' voice getting coarser,_

" _ALLISON" this time she screamed and this time he shook her,_

 _He had never shook her before, he had never handled her so roughly before and she had never screamed that loud before, only when she predicted the death of her best friend seconds before,_

" _Lydia? Lydia? Are you okay? Is she okay?" she wasn't surprised when her mother rushed in, she must have surely woke her up like she did Scott, whose hands where still on her arms._

" _Lydia?" her mother called out again breaking her out of her trance, but she didn't reply instead she withdrew into the sheets, back to them both, pretending to enjoy the certain warmth._

"SpongeBob?"

"Really Scott? Really?" Lydia asked, curler bouncing in her hand,

"It should bring happy thoughts before bed" he said balanced on her bed, cartoons spread out,

"You should go home" she said giving up with both him and her suddenly frizzy hair,

"Will that solve it? Maybe if I'm not here you'll have no one to imagine as Allison" he said, eyes shooting up to meet her's in the mirror,

"Go home, Scott, I'm okay, these are even better than….." she trailed off having no intent to finish,

"Better than what?" he didn't know, she never told him of what haunted her each night before the less taunting memory of her best friend; the memory of bandaged fingers trailing her thigh in the cold night, the nauseating smell of rotten flesh holding mouth shut, the familiar face, the innocent face of sweet old Stiles but with different eyes, more crazed, more of demented and a great look of confidence with as he kissed her tears away and repeated the events of that night, confidence Stiles would never possess in the same position with her,

"Ouch" her eyes left the mirror, dropping the curler to the floor, starring at her redden flesh; she had been squeezing the iron,

"Stupid curler, stupid heat, stupid dreams, stupid Allison" he didn't look as shocked as she at her own words as he picked and disconnected the instrument,

"I didn't mean it…Allison was never-Allison isn't stupid, I just…it hurt" she said walking into bathroom, opening running water on her burnt skin knowing not only the burnt had hurt her.

Scott McCall couldn't decide if to follow in, hold her and tell the redhead to let it out, to let her tears cleanse her soul; or to, to just go. He moved to the bathroom door, letting out a soft knock,

"You okay in there?"

"Yeah"

"Do need a bandage, antiseptic?"

"No, I think I'll just rest when I'm done"

"Okay so SpongeBob or should I order pizza for tonight?" he said with a soft chuckle hoping to lighten the mood,

"Go home Scott" her voice came out low but he got it and didn't need anything more said,

"I'll drop by tomorrow" and she nodded in response even though he couldn't see her.

She had spent the whole after starring at the pregnant test she had taken for the 13th time that to be precise, starring at the tube, she tossed into the trash with the others not remembering when she took the one that made it a dozen. She stroke a pose in the mirror, she was still in shape, at least physically, this was why she wanted him gone, so she could swallow in self pity so she tell herself the next pregnancy test would come out negative, so she wish it was all a dream and she would wake up and laugh about it with Scott even Stiles. But it wasn't and Lydia Martin as going to make it so, she grabbed her keys from her table, bid her surprised mum goodbye and made it a few blocks away.

It was a backstreet pharmacy, they probably weren't going to ask for prescription she hoped scanning the shelves for RU-486, she wasn't trembling like most teenage did when they had made the decision; instead she picked up the mifepristone with a rather pleasant feeling. Of course the quack pharmacist didn't ask for a prescription but Lydia didn't miss when the chubby woman murmured 'Another fucked up teenager'.

The ride home was a surprisingly guilt-free one for Lydia, she was waiting for it to pour in but it never did; she hadn't even made it up the stairs when he knocked, she groaned opening the door thinking to see a similar alpha but came to face to face with Stiles awkwardly scratching his ruffled hair, half smile and plaid,

"I just decided to drop by and see how you're doing" he said throwing his hands forward as if expecting a hug and she rolled her eyes,

"Scott sent you"

"C'mon let me in" he groaned and it took her while to step aside,

"I actually came by my own consent"

"Hm, grab my bag, let's go up" she called out to him, ascending the stairs,

"Lydia"

"Lydia" he called out louder,

"What?!" she turned back to look at him, contents of her bag sprawled out on the floor,

"Oh my God, hold it by the body, the handle's-" she stopped mid-sentence as she followed his stare to her drug on the floor, she rushed down to grab it but he picked it up faster,

"What is this?" he asked still looking at it,

"I would love to explain but it would take me a year for you to understand"

"So you're pregnant?" if only he knew,

"Bingo"

"And then mifepris-"

"Mifepristone is an abortion drug"

"I know what mifepristone is" he said moving his attention to her from the light yellow cylindrical tablets, "How can you do this?" disbelief written all over his face,

"I just swallow-"

He grabbed her by arm, "Let me go"

"You can't do this"

"Why? Tell me why Stiles?"

"You can't do this to Scott, he will understand, he'll never approve of this, you guys can talk about it more" now it was her turn to stare in disbelief, how could he think his-the nogstitune's child was Scott,

"You think its Scott's" she whispered already stating the obvious that he thought it was his best friend's child,

"Don't deny it Lydia, you too spend more time together these days, he even sleeps over, for God sake, he even picked out a pregnancy palm let during lunch today" and it was back to silence and Stiles let go of her,

"He really wants this, Lydia, don't take it away from him" she didn't know what had affected her in his sentence, maybe it was because someone else wanted the pregnancy that shook her to tears and he pulled her into an understanding hug.

" _I'm not used to being this clueless, Al"_

" _But you acted it for years" she joked chuckling,_

" _I just need the master plan of my life"_

" _For what?"_

" _To know what to do" and Allison laughed making Lydia frown,_

" _I need you Al, I miss you"_

" _But I'm right here" she said with a clueless smile placing a hand which disappeared almost immediately on top of Lydia's,_

" _Allison, don't go, Allison!"_

" _ALLISON!"_

Her screamed pierced through Stiles ear's waking him up immediately; he rolled onto her side pulling her to him as he held her close,

"Shhhh, it's okay" and she nodded, eyes closed,

"Go back to sleep"

"Scott, thanks for coming back" she murmured already back in sleep.

 _ **Author's Note:**_ **Hallo Baes, so sorry for the late update, I've been busy but promise to update soon btw the italics means Lydia's dreaming. Please Review Love.**


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